Desperate for Connection | Borderline Personality Disorder

One of my biggest struggles as a person with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is that I have both a desperate longing to connect with others and a desperate fear of rejection and hurt.

I long to have friends. It isn't very difficult for me to connect with someone and start a friendship. I'm friendly, caring, and empathetic. I like to laugh and always want to help others when I can.

It just seem that, as time goes on, one of several things happens:

  • I become very emotionally dependent on a new friend
  • I get moody or deeply depressed or anxious and withdraw so that I am not "exposed" and vulnerable.
  • I begin to find all sorts of things "wrong" with her and convince myself that I'm better off alone. Of course I'm not, but on some level, I think I push people away once there is a certain closeness.

Deep down, I desperately want to be loved, cared about, and wanted. At the same time, I am desperate to avoid being hurt and rejected. So, even though there may be little to no chance of that happening in a friendship that is going along just fine, I tend to sabotage it in some way, shape or form.

As much I despise this, I also sense that I am not fully ready to release these patterns. This is discouraging, and I'd like to understand myself a little bit more around this. I'd like to know how I can get over the feelings that hold me back from having true, meaningful, long-lasting friendships.

I need to learn to not only seek things from a relationship but how to also give and BE a good matter my mood or the circumstances.

Someone recently told me that you can't be a friend to someone else if you haven't learned to care for and be a friend to yourself.  Perhaps that is my starting point.


  1. Hi, thanks for your post, and all your tweets.Sharing your experiences and struggles with others, because you care, helping those who are also struggling is certainly a very giving and friendly thing to do. I feel for you and the difficulties you share in this post. This may be the situation now, but please be patient with yourself, non-judgmental, and self-forgiving.I have found the Emotional Reg module of DBT quite challenging, but I think it can really help with a lot of the issues you are experiencing. Also the GIVE skill from Interpersonal Effectiveness - remember to practice it on yourself too won't you?

  2. Hugs - I could be reading about myself. My only problem is that I have 'run out' of people to be friends with, no one has stood by me - even though I have done my all for others.
    I wish you well

    1. Sending you huge hugs and love. Please know that it won't always be this way. You will build a circle of close people as you heal. ♥



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