Even so, I feel like I was coming on a bit too strong today. I kept making excuses to be around her and to chat with her. To be fair, it seemed like she was, too. Maybe this is normal?
Getting or Keeping a Good Relationship
- Acting in such a way that the other person keeps liking and respecting you
- Balancing immediate goals with the good of the long-term relationship
1. How do I want to feel about myself after the interaction is over?
2. What do I have to do to feel that way about myself? What will work?"
(above is an excerpt from Skills Training Manual for Treating Borderline Personality Disorder by Dr. Marsha Linehan)
I'm working hard on number question #1, and with regards to question #2, I held back the other day when I was experiencing extreme anxiety. I wanted to cry to hear and ask for her support. It wouldn't have been appropriate in the workplace, and it may have really pushed her away. (Sure, she may have been really supportive, but I wasn't willing to take the chance.)
I experienced abandonment as a child more than once, so it's understandable that's I'd react by frantically avoiding "real or imagined" abandonment (as it is outlined in the Diagnostical Statistical Manual), but I am an adult now, and I want to stop running. I want to have a real friendship.
This is challenging, but I am sure it will be worth it (and it already is).
Thanks for reading.