I'm into sitcoms, and while I realize that the relationships and story lines are often far from the reality that you and I experience in real life, I can't help but notice something: the way the women in the sitcoms I watch relate to and communicate with their significant others...like adults...like equals.
During these past 24 days of being apart from my boyfriend, I've grown a lot. I've been more mature...more adult. I've been taking care of myself, working on my DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) skills, and crushing down would-be crises. Maybe that's why it alarmed me a bit when I noticed that, when he called me the other night to talk about what time he'd be home in a few days, I regressed to a baby voice and was acting like a child.
I was using baby speak (trying to be cute and adorable, I suppose), and when I caught myself doing it, I felt so conflicted inside. This is the way I behave with him, because some part of me believes that this is how I must be have in order for him to love me and want to be with me. When I watch television shows where grown women relate to their partners as grown women, I long for that. It seems like so much more of a balanced, healthier approach to a relationship, but the truth is, for as long as I can remember, I've related to the men in my life this way. It's almost like the proverbial "Daddy Complex." But I don't want a Daddy anymore. I want a normal, healthy, equal relationship with my partner. The thing is, when I do allow my "real," adult self to emerge, it seems to cause conflict. Maybe he's just extraordinarily confused as to who is the real me. Maybe he likes the "baby me." I'm not sure, but this is something I intend to reflect on. At the moment, I am: Can you relate? Do you behave in a more childlike way with your partner but are more confident and adult like in other social situations (i.e. at work, out and about shopping, with friends)? I wrote these other related blog posts about the Childlike Aspects of Borderline Personality Disorder and Sometimes I Act Like a Little Girl. If you can relate to this post, you may like that these as well. Thanks for reading.
- radically accepting that this is how I currently relate to him
- going to take a look at the Interpersonal Effectiveness section of my DBT binder to see what other skills I might practice to gain more balance in this area of my life
- going to show myself compassion and abstain from judgment, as all things have "cause"