It can be really frustrating to realize that we are not where we hoped or wished we would be at this point in our lives. I used to get very jealous and depressed when others my age around me were graduating from college, getting married, starting families, and I seemed desperately stuck in the same drama that I had always been.
Everyone's journey is different, as are their abilities to cope and their resources. So I didn't go on to college directly after high school. So I didn't move to the suburbs and have a family with two kids. There was a time when it really hurt to see others around me having such things and finding success, and it seemed impossible, in my mind, for me to break free.
It wasn't until I started really, really looking at my life: my contributions to situations, the relationships I chose to be in, the circumstances that I experienced growing up over which I had very little control, that I began to take responsibility for what I could do to change my life. Piece by piece, the journey continues. The biggest elements have been (and are still in process):
- Radically and totally accepting that the past is the past. It happened. It can't be re-done. I can't go back and re-do my childhood -- there is no time machine (though we can create healing experiences for ourselves as adults.)
- Learning why and how I was continually sabotaging my life and how I was the ONE and ONLY person who could put a stop to it and end the drama. (I wrote about this extensively in my books on my experience living with and healing from Borderline Personality Disorder.)
Sometimes we are stuck in our situation so deeply that we aren't even aware that we are in it. Sometime we are aware, but we don't know the first step. There is hope. If you just know that something is off -- that you're tired of the way things have been going and that you are committed to finding and pursuing a path that will assist you in healing and recovering, it will unfold before you.
Today in my Creative Writing class, I read a poem by a classmate about a woman who was living in the oppression of a domestic violence situation. It reminded me of this song by Katy Perry, called "Pearl." The lyrics, ♫♪ Do you know that there's a way out? You don't have to be held down ♫♪ haunt me and give me the chills every time I listen. May you know this truth deep in your bones...deep in your heart, mind, and soul. Regardless of your gender or what you feel is causing oppression in your life, you may be able to relate to this song in some way. I hope you'll let me know if it speaks to you.
We are all pearls, but sometimes we reduce ourselves and accept ourselves as just grains of sand. We can recover from this and grow to the potential that we long to achieve.
There is hope, and if you really want this, you will make it happen.
Thanks for reading.