I think he was stunned. The evening has gone on, and we’ve both been puttering around the house doing our own thing and giving each other space. My hope is that he will see tonight’s incident as a moment of growth in my walk with BPD, but I am not guaranteed this.
- It was in no way my intention to appear aloof or be rude. I truly had a radical acceptance moment where I simply repeated what he said (non-judgmentally.) I repeated his truth, and I did not experience the fear and terror that I have in the past. In addition to radical acceptance, I acknowledge that I have also been working very hard through DBT over the past year, and I feel more secure and confident in my ability to tolerate something that was previously just intolerable, such as him leaving, if he should choose to do so.
- While I cannot read his mind, my interpretation of him saying these particular words is that, in the past, doing so has clearly caught my attention and caused me to act in ways that showed that what he said and did greatly mattered to me. It may have reassured him that I was taking what he was saying seriously and that it mattered to me.
- When we change, even for the better, it can make others uneasy at first. The dynamics in the relationship begin to change, and the other person or people may experience a sense that their own identity in the context of the relationship no longer makes sense. They may feel insecure, not knowing how they will be “useful” to you if they are no longer needed in the same way that they have been for so many years. An example of this is when a long-time drunk becomes sober. The family members who have gotten used to adjusting their lifestyles for the alcoholic have to now live their lives in a different way because the person is no longer drinking.
As you can see, I’ve just started with Wise Mind. I’ve also considered how my boyfriend might feel and extended compassion to him.
- “You have to make an inner COMMITMENT to accept.
- ACCEPTANCE is the only way out of hell.
- Deciding to tolerate the moment is ACCEPTANCE.
- ACCEPTANCE is acknowledging what is.
- To ACCEPT something is not the same as judging it good.”