https://www.my-borderline-personality-disorder.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/healing-from-bpd-300x225.jpg 0 0 debbie https://www.my-borderline-personality-disorder.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/healing-from-bpd-300x225.jpg debbie2012-06-25 01:01:002012-06-25 01:01:00I don't feel like it! | Using DBT Skills (Even when you don't feel like it)
Despite being well-versed in DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy), I found it difficult to use my skills when I needed them most. I hoped and wished for some miracle to suddenly make everything ok — to make me feel better and to fill the void I felt inside. I felt almost paralyzed and stuck in my pain. My mood took an interesting turn this weekend. While last weekend, at my initiative, was jam packed with things to do, people to see, and places to go, I didn’t plan anything for this weekend, and I was suddenly faced with two evenings and two full days of what I saw as nothingness. Perhaps that’s why, early Friday evening, I already began experiencing moodiness with intense feelings of loneliness, boredom, and emptiness. I was dissociating and having thoughts that I didn’t want to have. It frightened me. I realized I’d had a number of triggers this past week, including the incident at work with the drunk colleague, which required me to pull out my “911 DBT Crisis Skills” for triggers, the boundaries issue with another coworker on Friday, my boyfriend being away for what is now the third week (and the related identity disturbance that I experienced), issues with my Mom’s health, DBT group was cancelled, my cat had to be taken to the vet, a pervert on Twitter, and the fact that, due to extreme boredom, I went against my better judgment and watched two movies that I had strong reason to believe could be triggering (thinking maybe, just maybe, I could handle them)….so, really, it’s no wonder I felt so nuts. Having just re-read my last paragraph, I can’t help but have a little bit of compassion for myself for feeling a bit discouraged. Who wouldn’t?
Somehow, I was able to bring Wise Mind on board and decided that I would JUST NOTICE the thoughts and feelings with curiosity, rather than get caught up with them. This, in and of itself, was the start of implementing the skills. Here are some of the things I observed:
In addition to noticing, observing, and describing, I self-soothed by wearing a fleece lined hooded sweatshirt today. It was a bit breezy, so it wasn’t totally out of place, and just having it on made me feel a bit more safe.
I got away from the computer screen, took a walk, returned some lipstick that didn’t really suit me, and picked up some takeout. As I look at the night head of me, I know I have the choice to fall prey to the intense emotions that may arise in my loneliness, or I can keep busy, distract, and stay skillful. For my own well-being and long-term mental health goals, I choose the latter. I’ll also look forward to going to work tomorrow, as it’s a chance to stay busy and socialize with others. How has your weekend been? How do you get yourself to practice your skills and get into Wise Mind when you really “don’t feel like it”? Thanks for reading. More Soon.
- A thought: “I don’t feel like doing the skills” has arisen. Ok. A thought is a thought. It doesn’t mean I have to abide by it.
- The phrase “Feel the fear and do it anyway” came to mind, though it was, “Feel like not doing the skills but doing them anyway.”
- I have physical tension and pain in my shoulders, neck, head, and back, likely due from the extended periods of being on the computer. I need to listen to my body and take a break. (It took a few times of noticing this before I actually did self-care and took that break.)
- A thought: “I may need to go and grab an ice cube to help with these intense feelings if they don’t go down on their own soon.”