In this case, the focus was on the mom’s choice to lie, why she did it, and her facing up to all of the repercussions of her decision to live a lie for 23 years and keep a secret from her son. Additionally, the focus was on the son, who was devastated and hurt and who blamed, entirely, his mother for the situation.
Iyanla made him a scrapbook page with a few photos from the time of his birth. One was a photo of his mom at age 17: pregnant, alone, and scared. Iyanla reminded him that his mother was just a child. She felt shame for being pregnant at a young age, and she had no support. Thinking about his mom in this way did help the son to tap into some compassion for his mother. He was able to get that her intention (though it badly backfired) was that he not be hurt. That’s why she allowed the man she met in her 20s to step in and father him. He got it. He was still angry though.