What does it mean to have Borderline Personality Disorder, and what does it mean to “heal,” or do the work to be considered in “recovery”? These are the questions I’ve asked myself over the years as I’ve grown and evolved publicly on the pages of this blog.
A few years ago, my life was a mess. I was self-destructive, sabotaging, and didn’t even know that there were tools available to help me cope with the pain that I carried around and didn’t know how to process and handle.
Several years later, after much commitment and hard work, primarily through a treatment called Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), I am now in recovery. I no longer meet the criteria for a BPD diagnosis, and quite frankly, I don’t identify as being a person with BPD anymore. There was a time when this was not the case, and it wasn’t very long ago, so if that’s where you’re at now, there is reason for hope.
I recently recorded this video, “Both Sides of The Borderline: My Recovery from BPD,” and my books, Healing From Borderline Personality Disorder: My Journey Out of Hell Through Dialectical Behavior Therapy and Stop Sabotaging: A 31-Day DBT Challenge to Change Your Life continue to be hugely successful around the globe. Why? People want to get well. It is encouraging to follow someone else’s journey and see that recovery is possible.
It’s also powerful to see the challenges involved in the process. It’s important to see how much hard work must go in. It’s gratifying and instills hope to see it all work.
Am I still emotionally sensitive? Sure. Do a still meet some of the criteria? Sure. But, overall, I think that these have more to do with my inborn disposition as well as effects of my cumulative life experiences. I am who I am, and I’ve grown to know, like, and even (most of the time) love that person. A few years ago, I literally had no idea who I was. Even simple things like television shows and dietary choices were things that I looked to people outside of myself to determine my own preferences. I couldn’t have imagined that I could come so far as to have strong opinions and be a strict vegetarian. I can’t believe that I no longer sit through television shows and movies that others like because “they must be good,” as I had no sense of what interested me. This has been a huge process for me, and it’s possible for you, too.
At the beginning of this year, I made an announcement that this blog would be evolving as I am evolving. (Here’s that post.) I’ve pretty much been following my planned course of action, and I plan to continue to do so. My personal posts are less frequent, and I have been featuring more guest bloggers (look for one in the next few weeks from a California-based psychiatrist who will be covering the topic of medications for the management of some BPD symptoms). I’ve done more vlogs via my YouTube channel. I’ve also been focusing more on my graduate studies and working on personal issues. Additional projects include co-starring alongside three other very strong women in a documentary on BPD, an interview that I did with Psychology Today magazine (which will be out in the summer – I’ll keep you posted!), an online DBT-group that I co-facilitate with therapist Alicia Paz, and upcoming presentations in the San Francisco Bay Area on how DBT has changed my life.
Part of my evolution and the evolution of this blog is “Discharge Planning.” What do I mean by this? Have you ever been in the hospital over night or for longer? When the doctors begin to evaluate you for readiness to leave, in the U.S., you go through a process called “Discharge Planning.” Your clinical staff works with you to determine if you’re ready to move on from the hospital and what next steps you should take for your self-care.
I had a phone chat with my psychiatrist this morning, and we talked about how I need a discharge plan from this blog. I want to continue to bring quality information on BPD and DBT to you to continue to encourage and inspire you on your personal path to wellness, but since I no longer fully identify as being someone with BPD (but as an emotionally sensitive person), I am considering ways to allow myself to grow and move on from the full-time commitment I’ve been putting into the blog to pursue other things.
I am beginning the process of looking to pass on the torch with this blog by selling it and its rights to a writer or organization that is ready to take over and give the site a new lease on life. I would expect this person to continue the Healing From BPD mission of creating a caring, safe, respectful community that supports positive personal growth and to maintain a positive, encouraging tone to the information provided here.
Update May 10, 2013: Closed for bidding. Thank you for your interest, and I’ll keep you updated on exciting developments here at Healing From BPD! ♥
I can’t believe that I am at this point, and I have to tell you — I feel proud. 🙂
Thanks for reading.
P.S. Don’t forget that May is Borderline Personality Disorder Awareness month. What will you be doing to celebrate or spread hope and smash stigmas? The information I shared in this post is a huge part of my commitment to continued self-growth and healing in recovery.