BPD, Insecurity, and Reassurance

BPD, Insecurity, and Reassurance. What’s it all about? Join me for this super quick (less than 5 minutes) lesson on this topic. Looking forward to your thoughts – drop a comment below the video after watching so we can connect!

Transcript: Please note that the text below may not be 100% accurate/verbatim to the video.


Hey everyone! Debbie here from emotionallysensitive.com with a super quick video. I know that as an emotionally sensitive person, when I was in the thick of the symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) this was a major issue:

the “need” for reassurance after sharing something from the heart with someone else (being vulnerable, for example when choosing to share your own opinion or preference when it differs from someone else’s).

So for example, let’s say you’re out to dinner with some friends or you’re hanging out with a co-worker and you bring something up that’s pretty appropriate for the situation, and it’s within boundaries…

…and that’s all stuff that can affect whether we should be talking about certain things with certain people anyway for our own good right? (That could be another whole series on boundaries!)

But let’s say you share something with others and it’s something that differs from their opinion.

For me, for a long time, I wouldn’t dare. I would go along with the majority or what the person I was with wanted.

It could have been on any topic…political affiliation…the best movie or the best actor, it could be about anything really.

In a typical conversation, I was often agreeing and going along with what the other person’s preference was because of BPD related identity issues. I just didn’t really know what I wanted or preferred.

In retrospect, I think it was beyond the identity issues and included vulnerability and insecurity — that feeling of wanting to be accepted and not be rejected…to be liked and loved and to not have someone dislike me.

I think that’s where that need for reassurance often comes from.

Because intense, insecure thoughts and feelings are going through your mind, you don’t feel safe enough in the moment to say or think, “I’m feeling strongly about my point of view. I can express what I feel or want because this person before me proven that they can hold the space for me to have a different opinion without rejecting or abandoning me.”

I hope that you can be compassionate with yourself, especially if you’re on this whole spectrum of emotional sensitivity (if you suffer from BPD or BPD traits), to just say,

“How human of me to be a bit insecure and to be a bit worried after all I’ve been through and after I’ve had difficulty maintaining relationships and now I’m trying so hard to connect with someone,…how human of me to feel a bit vulnerable after sharing something that’s different.”

Perhaps for a long time now you’ve bottled it up inside and have not spoken up and have suppressed your own voice and suppressed your own opinions.

Please allow yourself to have self-compassion if you have those moments afterward where you’re thinking, “I need the reassurance,” I just want to give you that encouragement today.

I look forward to reading your comments, and be sure to visit me on emotionallysensitive.com

Thanks, bye for now.

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