Impulsivity and Borderline Personality Disorder

Many people with BPD struggle with impulsivity. The urge to act without thinking can lead to risky choices, broken trust, or regret. BPD impulsivity isn’t about being “bad” or “lazy.” It’s a common part of the disorder. But with practice, you can learn to pause and choose responses that reflect your real values.

What Does BPD Impulsivity Look Like?

“Oh no, what have I done?!”

How many times have you had this thought? You feel trapped in a never-ending cycle of doing things you regret, then wondering why you did them.

I’m talking about impulsive behaviors such as substance abuse, quitting a job, lashing out, and self-harm. There are many types of impulsive behaviors, and they all involve doing something suddenly without thinking of the consequences — and the results can be disastrous.

Why Is Impulsivity So Common With BPD?

Impulsive behaviors are common in emotionally sensitive people. Believe me, I’ve been there.  I was quite bewildered by my impulsivity for the longest time. It made no sense to me the things I did sometimes. I’d impulsively say or do things that damaged important relationships, cost me jobs, and that even had effects on my physical health. Why?!

I *needed* to understand. And, there I was – again – in the emergency room, feeling out of control of my emotions, scared, and wanting someone to please help me reel it in…to feel safe…to feel some sense of peace or contentment.

Then there was the other side of me that thought I wanted to die. The truth was somewhere in the middle. I wanted to escape and leave behind the tormenting pain I was experiencing. I was tired of living in crisis mode. But I had literally no clue what to do to stop the vicious cycle.

My emotions felt unbearable. I would go from sadness to despair in a nanosecond and joy to feeling overstimulated and anxious in the same amount of time. And I worried each time that *this* was it — the time I’d lose my mind and go crazy.

Maybe you’re in a similar place right now where you’re confused by your own behavior, and you know something’s wrong and something needs to change, but you feel like everything is out of control.

This is the cycle you’re going through:

You experience a strong, sudden wave of negative emotions, and it’s overwhelming. Then you feel like if you don’t do something, this pain will last forever. The pressure is on to do something right now to stop the pain.

You quickly do an impulsive action to respond to the negative emotions.

The impulsive action relieves the pressure in the immediate moment, but before long, the consequences catch up and you regret what you did.

The cycle repeats, and you get into a habit of impulsive behaviors.

Acting without thinking can feel like another version of ‘shapeshifting’ just to avoid discomfort or strong feelings. [Here’s what the chameleon personality looks like in BPD.]

Why do we keep doing this?

This cycle keeps happening because you’re looking for a way to regain control in the midst of chaos. That’s how it was for me. Super quick backstory: I experienced childhood trauma — abuse and neglect. I also experienced major abandonment by caregivers, more than once. This caused me to believe something was bad, off, or wrong with me. I was convinced of it.

Maybe that’s why it felt so foreign when things were going smoothly. It was as if I’d become conditioned to rocking the boat. I had experienced so many hardships that I just expected that another one was right around the corner. At least if *I* were the one to f*** it all up, I’d have a sense of control over the situation.

Breaking the Cycle: How DBT Skills Help With Impulsivity

Do you feel this way, too? If so, it’s time to break the cycle. You can learn Dialectical Behavior Therapy skills and use those skills to help you cope with negative emotions. Then the next time you experience a sudden wave of negative emotions, you will be able to escape from the pressure of needing to do something immediately to stop the pain.

That means whatever problem you’re facing, you’ll be able to deal with it by carefully thinking about what you’re going to do and responding in a way that makes sense. Instead of doing things you regret, you can handle negative emotions in a way that makes you feel proud of yourself.

This is called distress tolerance. Distress tolerance is the one of the first things you’ll learn in our upcoming online DBT class, which is taught by myself and Dr. Kathryn C. Holt, LCSW. In this 9-month class, you’ll learn how to tolerate distressing situations so that you can stop resorting to impulsive, destructive behaviors.

This is just one of many things taught in this comprehensive class that’s designed for emotionally sensitive people like you. By the end, you’ll know how to use DBT skills to gain control over the negative emotions that have been weighing you down. You’ll have more joy and a lighter heart.

The next class starts soon. Click HERE to join.

Hope to see you there. In the meantime, please take good care and

In kindness,
Debbie of Healing from BPD

Update from Debbie: Impulsivity can feel impossible to manage, but you don’t have to do it alone. In my live online DBT classes, we practice skills you can use right away to slow down, check the facts, and make choices you’ll feel good about later. See our classes here.